he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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