Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
