A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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