I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
