We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
