How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
