you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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