ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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