Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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