Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
