i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
