so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry about my life...
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