Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
