what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
