I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
