he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
