my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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