My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
