i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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