Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
