I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
