she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
