We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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