omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
