thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
