her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
