yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
