Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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