Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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