you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
