My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
