Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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