We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
