I cannot find my penis.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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