I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
