So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
