He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize