you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im six kinds of drunk right now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
