There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
