i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
