I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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