I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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