no, he came in my armpit
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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