I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
