Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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