New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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