Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My cat gives me a boner
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
