Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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