I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
