it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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