It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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