Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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